Parents Universal Resource Expert (Sue Scheff) Inhalant Abuse Among Teens and Pre-teens

Inhalant Abuse is not discussed enough - We as parents, all know about talking to our kids about drugs and sex, but remember - huffing is a serious issue among teens today. Learn more about it at http://www.inhalant.org/.

Monitoring your child will make your child much less likely to use Inhalants or other drugs.

Know where your child is at all times, especially after school.

Know your child's friends.

If you find your child unconscious, or you suspect your child is under the influence of an Inhalant, call 911 immediately.

If you suspect your child might be abusing Inhalants, call the Poison Control Center at 1-800-222-1222; or call the 1-800 number on the label of the product.

According to the Partnership for a Drug-Free America, if you talk to your kids about the risks of drugs, they are 36% less likely to abuse an Inhalant. Parents can make a tremendous impact on their kids choices by talking to them.

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Sue Scheff: Benefits of Abstinence Among Teens

By Connect with Kids

“If you don’t feel that they should be having sex at this age, tell them that. Explain your values. Listen to them as well, give them a chance to express their opinions as well, and you can have a discussion about it. It’s very important that adolescents have a chance to express their own opinions and to hear your reactions to those opinions.”

– Dr. Mark Schuster, M.D., Ph.D., pediatrician

Regret can be a great teacher and, according to a new survey of high school students, that’s especially true when it comes to teenagers and sex.

Trey was 14 when he first had sex.

“Just the pressure -- upper classmen -- they were just ragging me on to do it, and I just fell into that trap. I fell into that peer pressure,” says Trey, 17.

Afterwards, Trey says he regretted it.

“Just the feeling, the emotions that were going through my mind…and my thoughts were, ‘What am I doing? I feel like I’m soliciting myself, I don’t know even know this girl’s name by heart,’” recalls Trey.

In a survey of high school students by researchers at the University of California, San Francisco, sexually-experienced teens were twice as likely to value abstinence as teens who were virgins. It seems that it is after having sex that some kids learn the value of being abstinent.

“It’s unfortunate that they had to learn it the hard way, but one of the things that they’re realizing is that there is an alternative way: there’s a way for me to court [someone], or to get a guy that I like to court me and respect me and for me not to have sex,” says Alduan Tartt, psychologist.

Experts say another way kids can learn about the risks and complications of sex are from their parents -- not from “atalk” but with a conversation.

“If you don’t feel that they should be having sex at this age, tell them that. Explain your values. Listen to them as well, give them a chance to express their opinions as well, and you can have a discussion about it. It’s very important that adolescents have a chance to express their own opinions and to hear your reactions to those opinions,” says Dr. Mark Schuster, M.D., Ph.D., pediatrician.

Trey says he’s choosing abstinence now and it feels right.

“You don’t have anything to worry about. You don’t have to worry about if you have an STD. You’re just focused on your goals,” says Trey.

Tips for Parents

Abstinence is defined as not having sex. A person who decides to practice abstinence has decided not to have sex. (Nemours Foundation)

Abstinence is 100% effective in preventing pregnancy. Although many birth control methods can have high rates of success if used properly, they can fail occasionally. Practicing abstinence ensures that a girl will not become pregnant because there is no opportunity for sperm to fertilize an egg. (Nemours Foundation)

Only complete and consistent abstinence can totally protect against STDs. Because a person does not have any type of intimate sexual contact when he or she practices complete abstinence, there is no risk of passing on a sexually transmitted infection. (Nemours Foundation)

Don't let teasing or pressure from friends, a girlfriend, a boyfriend, or even the media push you into something that's not right for you. Research shows that the majority of teens are not having sex. (www.connectwithkids.com/everybodysnotdoingit)

A couple can still have a relationship without having sex. If you've made a decision not to have sex, it's an important personal choice and the people who care about you should respect that. (Nemours Foundation)

You may have questions about making this choice or about other methods of birth control. Your doctor or nurse — or an adult you trust, such as a parent, teacher or counselor — can help provide accurate answers. (Nemours Foundation)

References

Nemours Foundation
Children and Youth Coordinating Council (CYCC) www.connectwithkids.com/everybodysnotdoingit

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Children and safer net use

BBC News

Q&A: Children and safer net use

Many teenagers and younger children are signing up for social networking sites says telecoms regulator Ofcom in a report.

In a research exercise covering 3,000 children it found that about a quarter of those aged between eight and 11 have a profile page on sites such as MySpace, Facebook and Bebo.

This is despite the fact that these sites have a self-imposed minimum age limit of 13 or 14.

The news comes soon after the release of the Byron Review which investigated the risks children faced from exposure to harmful or inappropriate material on the internet or in video games.

At the same time the Home Office is preparing to issue recommendations on the steps social network sites should take to make themselves safer for children.

BBC News looks at the issue and what parents can do to keep up with their children and ensure they stay safe online.

What has Ofcom found?

The telecoms regulator carried out an in-depth study of how people, both young and old, use social network sites.

On these sites, which includes destinations such as MySpace, Facebook, Bebo, users maintain a webpage or profile about what they are up to. This can include blog or journal entries, pictures, videos and other information about their daily lives.


CEOP online safety tips for parents
Know what your children are doing online
Get them to show you how to do things
Help them understand not to give any personal information to online friends
Teach them to ignore spam
Teach them to ignore files sent by people they don't know
Teach them some people lie online
Tell them to keep online friends online
Keep talking so they know they can always tell you if something makes them feel uncomfortable
Show children how to block people online and how to report them

Most allow users to invite people they know to join the site and become part of an online group of friends.

In recent months social network sites have become enormously popular MySpace, for instance, has many millions of dedicated users.

Ofcom talked to 5,000 adults and 3,000 children and found 49% of those aged between eight and 17 have a profile on these sites. As noted above many children with profiles are below the minimum age set, but not actively enforced, by the sites themselves.

Perhaps worryingly for parents 41% of the children Ofcom questioned has their profile set so anyone, rather than just friends could view it.

At the same time the Byron Review warned of a growing "digital divide" between parents and their net-savvy children.

Why is this a problem?

The combination of children sharing sensitive data with anyone who cares to look and parents who do not monitor what their offspring do online could be a recipe for disaster.


CEOP online safety tips for children
Don't give your real name on gaming sites
Best not to have anyone on your IM (instant messaging) list that you don't know in the real world
You can block people in IM and chat areas
Best not to meet people you meet online, they might not be who they say they are
Tell an adult you trust if an online friend asks to meet you
Report a contact to CEOP if you think they might be an adult

Many children have received unwanted approaches from paedophiles while using the net. Figures quoted in the Byron Review suggest that 31% of 9-19 year olds who use the net weekly have received sexual comments via e-mail, instant message, chat or text message.

Research by the Child Exploitation and Online Protection centre (CEOP) suggests that chat rooms and instant messages are the preferred route for such contact but social networking sites are becoming popular too.

These dangers should not be exaggerated. It is still the case that very few abusers of children are strangers to their victims.

Are there other risks?

Publishing sensitive and personal information could leave people and families open to fraud and identity theft.

Unsupervised children might also open messages which harbour viruses or visit booby-trapped sites that infect PCs with spyware.

Children could also be at risk from so called "cyber bullying" in which online sites are used to mock them or they are bombarded with nasty messages.

What is being done to tackle this?

Many websites, not just social network sites, discourage children from registering but the restrictions are often easy to circumvent.

Few sites actively police these age limits though many will remove content if it breaches their codes of conduct.

Some places, such as MSN Messenger, also feature an icon via which children can report when they see or suffer inappropriate sexual contact.

On 4 April the Home Office is due to publish its guidelines for social network sites and what they can do to make using them safer. Currently there are no laws governing how children can set up profiles on social sites.

The government has also been behind many campaigns that aim to educate children about the dangers of using the net. Europe also runs the Safer Internet Day campaign which targets schools and runs events to get children thinking about ways to stay safe online.

Other places to look include ThinkUKnow, Get Safe Online and the Internet Safety Zone. Many publish easy to understand advice guides that help explain the risks and actions that can be taken.

What can parents do to help?

A lot. Every report on net safety stresses that parents have a huge role to play in monitoring their children and educating them about responsible web use.

One of the best ways to keep an eye on what a child does online is to site home computers in family areas rather than in their own bedroom. Children are far less likely to indulge in risky behaviour if they know others can see what they are doing.

Many organisations recommend that parents get much more involved in what their children do online. One good tip is to get a child to explain what they are doing and teach their parents at the same time.

Parents should also impress on children that they should ignore spam, be suspicious of anyone sending attachments via e-mail and warn them that many people lie online and may not be who they claim to be.

Technical measures, such as filters and security software, can help but none are 100% effective. Parental involvement and monitoring are just as important.

Finally, parents also need to realise that even though children have a greater understanding of the risks that does not mean they stop taking risks.

Sue Scheff News Articles on Parenting and Cyber Safety

I created a Blog that I update regularly regarding News Articles on Parenting today as well as the expanding concerns that surround the Internet, such as Cyberbullying.

Click Here.

by Sue Scheff, Parents Universal Resource Experts

Sue Scheff: Teen Suicide - Communication with your teens

As you have probably heard before, talking to your teen about suicide is one of the most important things you can do in helping to prevent a suicide attempt. Many times parents are unsure of what to say and instead say nothing. Here are some suggestions of how you can open the channels of communication and help your teen open up.

First, tell your teen you care; no matter the state of your relationship, just hearing this can go a long way. Tell your teen you are there if needed, and are willing to listen without judging. NAMI estimates that around 80% of all teens who attempt suicide give some sort of verbal or nonverbal warning beforehand, so be sure to take whatever your teen says completely seriously.

A common mistake parents make when dealing with a suicidal teen is thinking that if they mention suicide they will be planting the idea in their teen’s brain. This is simply not accurate. In fact, by mentioning your fears, you are showing your teen that you take their actions and their life seriously. Remember, most people who are suicidal do not really want to die- they want to put an end to the suffering they are experiencing. When given an opportunity to be helped through that suffering, or when some of that suffering is alleviated by knowing they aren’t alone, this can help reduce the desire to end the pain by more drastic means.

More information on Teen Suicide.
Sue Scheff, Parents Universal Resource Experts

Sue Scheff - Wit's End - Parents Universal Resource Experts

"Wit's End is the shockingly gripping story of parenting a troubled teen and how the author turned her mistakes -- and her relationship with her daughter -- around. This highly practical and prescriptive book includes all of the advice that the author now offers other parents who are at wit's end through her nationally recognized organization, Parent's Universal Resource Experts (P.U.R.E.). A much-needed guide to help parents navigate the choices and methods available to them and their child, this book also serves as a cautionary tale that will help parents empower themselves -– and their children -– toward healing. Wit's End is an action plan for parents to learn how to be active and empowered participants in their child's therapy.

As a single mother, Scheff offered her daughter Ashlyn gymnastics courses and the finest and most exclusive private schools -- striving to make up for a fatherless household. But when her beloved child became a teenager, everything changed.

Ashlyn embraced disturbing beliefs and behavior, made friends with a strange and maladjusted group at school, and refused to abide by rules. At times, Scheff believed her daughter would harm herself or others, if she didn't seek professional help for her daughter. In desperation, Scheff turned to a residential treatment facility to instill discipline into her daughter while providing her with therapy and structure. The exact opposite turned out to be the case. After spending thousands of dollars and seeing troubling behavior in her child, she heard chilling stories of Ashlyn and classmates being kept in inhumane conditions, as well as of beatings, sexual abuse, forced starvation, neglect, and suicide. The daughter she had turned over to be helped by the residential treatment facility returned broken, depressed, and suicidal.

As Scheff struggled to find justice while fighting off lawsuits from the very institution that damaged Ashlyn, she found the strength and determination to found P.U.R.E. (Parent's Universal Resource Experts, Inc.), an advocacy group that draws parents together and helps them find ways to protect their children from destructive influences, educating them about the issues their particular child and family faces and creating a safe environment to revive familial bonds. Using the same criteria P.U.R.E. uses to research residential treatment centers around the world, Wit's End, provides positive, prescriptive help for families who want only to put their children on the road to a safe, healthy, happy, and independent adulthood.

A chilling and fascinating journey into a damaged family and its path toward renewal, his cautionary tale, coupled with advice the author learned "the hard way" shows how one woman and her daughter found common ground again by standing up to the system and listening to their shared instincts and fought for safe alternatives for themselves and began to heal -- an example that every family struggling with trauma can relate to."

Visit www.witsendbook.com for more information.

Sue Scheff: Teen Mischief

Teens and Vandalism

The US Department of Justice defines vandalism as "willful or malicious destruction, injury, disfigurement, or defacement of any public or private property." Vandalism can encompass many different acts, including graffiti, public unrest, rioting, and other types of criminal mischief, like breaking windows or arson. Even seemingly harmless pranks like egging and toilet papering homes are considered vandalism in most states.

Unfortunately, many acts of vandalism may go unnoticed in the home, because teens can easily avoid bringing any evidence back with them. This is why it is of particular importance that parents make an effort to know where their teens are at all times. Keeping an open dialogue with your teen about his schedule and friends can help you to better keep tabs on him. A teen that knows his parents care is more likely to avoid criminally mischievous behaviors in the first place.

If you suspect your teen is engaging in vandalism, don't be afraid to discuss your fears with your teen. While again, it is important to not be accusatory, you should leave no doubt in your teen's mind that you believe any act of vandalism- big or small- is wrong. Often, teens think vandalism is a 'victimless crime'; in other words, they don't believe they're hurting anyone by spray painting graffiti on a brick building, or tossing a few eggs at a neighbor's car. This kind of thinking is your perfect segue into teaching your teen just how wrong vandalism can be. When your teen defiantly tells you that "nobody got hurt," explain to them that by spray-painting the façade of his high school, they costs the taxpayers (including you) money to have the graffiti covered and the crime investigated.

Remind them that the money for these repairs has to come from somewhere, and that every dollar wasted to fix vandalism is a dollar that must now be cut from somewhere else. Maybe the school will have one less dance, or will be forced to cut out arts programs or programs for under privileged students. If your teen has been egging homes, point out the waste of food that some families cannot even afford. Remind them that someone will have to scrape the dried egg off your neighbor's windshield, possibly making him late for work, costing him time and money.

Find out more about Teen Mischief.

by Sue Scheffand Parents Universal Resource Experts.