Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Children and safer net use

BBC News

Q&A: Children and safer net use

Many teenagers and younger children are signing up for social networking sites says telecoms regulator Ofcom in a report.

In a research exercise covering 3,000 children it found that about a quarter of those aged between eight and 11 have a profile page on sites such as MySpace, Facebook and Bebo.

This is despite the fact that these sites have a self-imposed minimum age limit of 13 or 14.

The news comes soon after the release of the Byron Review which investigated the risks children faced from exposure to harmful or inappropriate material on the internet or in video games.

At the same time the Home Office is preparing to issue recommendations on the steps social network sites should take to make themselves safer for children.

BBC News looks at the issue and what parents can do to keep up with their children and ensure they stay safe online.

What has Ofcom found?

The telecoms regulator carried out an in-depth study of how people, both young and old, use social network sites.

On these sites, which includes destinations such as MySpace, Facebook, Bebo, users maintain a webpage or profile about what they are up to. This can include blog or journal entries, pictures, videos and other information about their daily lives.


CEOP online safety tips for parents
Know what your children are doing online
Get them to show you how to do things
Help them understand not to give any personal information to online friends
Teach them to ignore spam
Teach them to ignore files sent by people they don't know
Teach them some people lie online
Tell them to keep online friends online
Keep talking so they know they can always tell you if something makes them feel uncomfortable
Show children how to block people online and how to report them

Most allow users to invite people they know to join the site and become part of an online group of friends.

In recent months social network sites have become enormously popular MySpace, for instance, has many millions of dedicated users.

Ofcom talked to 5,000 adults and 3,000 children and found 49% of those aged between eight and 17 have a profile on these sites. As noted above many children with profiles are below the minimum age set, but not actively enforced, by the sites themselves.

Perhaps worryingly for parents 41% of the children Ofcom questioned has their profile set so anyone, rather than just friends could view it.

At the same time the Byron Review warned of a growing "digital divide" between parents and their net-savvy children.

Why is this a problem?

The combination of children sharing sensitive data with anyone who cares to look and parents who do not monitor what their offspring do online could be a recipe for disaster.


CEOP online safety tips for children
Don't give your real name on gaming sites
Best not to have anyone on your IM (instant messaging) list that you don't know in the real world
You can block people in IM and chat areas
Best not to meet people you meet online, they might not be who they say they are
Tell an adult you trust if an online friend asks to meet you
Report a contact to CEOP if you think they might be an adult

Many children have received unwanted approaches from paedophiles while using the net. Figures quoted in the Byron Review suggest that 31% of 9-19 year olds who use the net weekly have received sexual comments via e-mail, instant message, chat or text message.

Research by the Child Exploitation and Online Protection centre (CEOP) suggests that chat rooms and instant messages are the preferred route for such contact but social networking sites are becoming popular too.

These dangers should not be exaggerated. It is still the case that very few abusers of children are strangers to their victims.

Are there other risks?

Publishing sensitive and personal information could leave people and families open to fraud and identity theft.

Unsupervised children might also open messages which harbour viruses or visit booby-trapped sites that infect PCs with spyware.

Children could also be at risk from so called "cyber bullying" in which online sites are used to mock them or they are bombarded with nasty messages.

What is being done to tackle this?

Many websites, not just social network sites, discourage children from registering but the restrictions are often easy to circumvent.

Few sites actively police these age limits though many will remove content if it breaches their codes of conduct.

Some places, such as MSN Messenger, also feature an icon via which children can report when they see or suffer inappropriate sexual contact.

On 4 April the Home Office is due to publish its guidelines for social network sites and what they can do to make using them safer. Currently there are no laws governing how children can set up profiles on social sites.

The government has also been behind many campaigns that aim to educate children about the dangers of using the net. Europe also runs the Safer Internet Day campaign which targets schools and runs events to get children thinking about ways to stay safe online.

Other places to look include ThinkUKnow, Get Safe Online and the Internet Safety Zone. Many publish easy to understand advice guides that help explain the risks and actions that can be taken.

What can parents do to help?

A lot. Every report on net safety stresses that parents have a huge role to play in monitoring their children and educating them about responsible web use.

One of the best ways to keep an eye on what a child does online is to site home computers in family areas rather than in their own bedroom. Children are far less likely to indulge in risky behaviour if they know others can see what they are doing.

Many organisations recommend that parents get much more involved in what their children do online. One good tip is to get a child to explain what they are doing and teach their parents at the same time.

Parents should also impress on children that they should ignore spam, be suspicious of anyone sending attachments via e-mail and warn them that many people lie online and may not be who they claim to be.

Technical measures, such as filters and security software, can help but none are 100% effective. Parental involvement and monitoring are just as important.

Finally, parents also need to realise that even though children have a greater understanding of the risks that does not mean they stop taking risks.

Sue Scheff News Articles on Parenting and Cyber Safety

I created a Blog that I update regularly regarding News Articles on Parenting today as well as the expanding concerns that surround the Internet, such as Cyberbullying.

Click Here.

by Sue Scheff, Parents Universal Resource Experts

Sue Scheff: Teen Suicide - Communication with your teens

As you have probably heard before, talking to your teen about suicide is one of the most important things you can do in helping to prevent a suicide attempt. Many times parents are unsure of what to say and instead say nothing. Here are some suggestions of how you can open the channels of communication and help your teen open up.

First, tell your teen you care; no matter the state of your relationship, just hearing this can go a long way. Tell your teen you are there if needed, and are willing to listen without judging. NAMI estimates that around 80% of all teens who attempt suicide give some sort of verbal or nonverbal warning beforehand, so be sure to take whatever your teen says completely seriously.

A common mistake parents make when dealing with a suicidal teen is thinking that if they mention suicide they will be planting the idea in their teen’s brain. This is simply not accurate. In fact, by mentioning your fears, you are showing your teen that you take their actions and their life seriously. Remember, most people who are suicidal do not really want to die- they want to put an end to the suffering they are experiencing. When given an opportunity to be helped through that suffering, or when some of that suffering is alleviated by knowing they aren’t alone, this can help reduce the desire to end the pain by more drastic means.

More information on Teen Suicide.
Sue Scheff, Parents Universal Resource Experts

Sue Scheff - Wit's End - Parents Universal Resource Experts

"Wit's End is the shockingly gripping story of parenting a troubled teen and how the author turned her mistakes -- and her relationship with her daughter -- around. This highly practical and prescriptive book includes all of the advice that the author now offers other parents who are at wit's end through her nationally recognized organization, Parent's Universal Resource Experts (P.U.R.E.). A much-needed guide to help parents navigate the choices and methods available to them and their child, this book also serves as a cautionary tale that will help parents empower themselves -– and their children -– toward healing. Wit's End is an action plan for parents to learn how to be active and empowered participants in their child's therapy.

As a single mother, Scheff offered her daughter Ashlyn gymnastics courses and the finest and most exclusive private schools -- striving to make up for a fatherless household. But when her beloved child became a teenager, everything changed.

Ashlyn embraced disturbing beliefs and behavior, made friends with a strange and maladjusted group at school, and refused to abide by rules. At times, Scheff believed her daughter would harm herself or others, if she didn't seek professional help for her daughter. In desperation, Scheff turned to a residential treatment facility to instill discipline into her daughter while providing her with therapy and structure. The exact opposite turned out to be the case. After spending thousands of dollars and seeing troubling behavior in her child, she heard chilling stories of Ashlyn and classmates being kept in inhumane conditions, as well as of beatings, sexual abuse, forced starvation, neglect, and suicide. The daughter she had turned over to be helped by the residential treatment facility returned broken, depressed, and suicidal.

As Scheff struggled to find justice while fighting off lawsuits from the very institution that damaged Ashlyn, she found the strength and determination to found P.U.R.E. (Parent's Universal Resource Experts, Inc.), an advocacy group that draws parents together and helps them find ways to protect their children from destructive influences, educating them about the issues their particular child and family faces and creating a safe environment to revive familial bonds. Using the same criteria P.U.R.E. uses to research residential treatment centers around the world, Wit's End, provides positive, prescriptive help for families who want only to put their children on the road to a safe, healthy, happy, and independent adulthood.

A chilling and fascinating journey into a damaged family and its path toward renewal, his cautionary tale, coupled with advice the author learned "the hard way" shows how one woman and her daughter found common ground again by standing up to the system and listening to their shared instincts and fought for safe alternatives for themselves and began to heal -- an example that every family struggling with trauma can relate to."

Visit www.witsendbook.com for more information.

Sue Scheff: Teen Mischief

Teens and Vandalism

The US Department of Justice defines vandalism as "willful or malicious destruction, injury, disfigurement, or defacement of any public or private property." Vandalism can encompass many different acts, including graffiti, public unrest, rioting, and other types of criminal mischief, like breaking windows or arson. Even seemingly harmless pranks like egging and toilet papering homes are considered vandalism in most states.

Unfortunately, many acts of vandalism may go unnoticed in the home, because teens can easily avoid bringing any evidence back with them. This is why it is of particular importance that parents make an effort to know where their teens are at all times. Keeping an open dialogue with your teen about his schedule and friends can help you to better keep tabs on him. A teen that knows his parents care is more likely to avoid criminally mischievous behaviors in the first place.

If you suspect your teen is engaging in vandalism, don't be afraid to discuss your fears with your teen. While again, it is important to not be accusatory, you should leave no doubt in your teen's mind that you believe any act of vandalism- big or small- is wrong. Often, teens think vandalism is a 'victimless crime'; in other words, they don't believe they're hurting anyone by spray painting graffiti on a brick building, or tossing a few eggs at a neighbor's car. This kind of thinking is your perfect segue into teaching your teen just how wrong vandalism can be. When your teen defiantly tells you that "nobody got hurt," explain to them that by spray-painting the façade of his high school, they costs the taxpayers (including you) money to have the graffiti covered and the crime investigated.

Remind them that the money for these repairs has to come from somewhere, and that every dollar wasted to fix vandalism is a dollar that must now be cut from somewhere else. Maybe the school will have one less dance, or will be forced to cut out arts programs or programs for under privileged students. If your teen has been egging homes, point out the waste of food that some families cannot even afford. Remind them that someone will have to scrape the dried egg off your neighbor's windshield, possibly making him late for work, costing him time and money.

Find out more about Teen Mischief.

by Sue Scheffand Parents Universal Resource Experts.

Sue Scheff and Parents Universal Resource Experts Never Recommend Boot Camps - Find Positive Alternatives

Boot Camps for Troubled Teens
Boot Camps for Girls
Boot Camps for Boys
Boot Camps

We (Parents' Universal Resource Experts) never promote, refer or recommend anyone to Boot Camps.We believe in building our teens back up, not breaking them down. Many teens are suffering with low self esteem, which can lead to negative behavior. When you take a negative child and place them into a potentially punitive environment, such as a Boot Camp, you can risk your child returning with more anger and resentment. This anger is usually targeted at the person that placed them there – the parent.

We believe in finding healthy, positive, nurturing and safe environments to promote your teen's self confidence, to make better choices and determine where the negative behavior is stemming from. With this emotional growth, your teen and your family can start healing towards a happy and healthy home life.

As a parent it is our responsibility to find a school or program that will instill positive values and help your teen through the difficult times they were having at home and/or school. It is time to bring your family back together.

Contact us for more information and start getting your teenager the positive help they may need.


Do you have a struggling teen? At risk teens? Defiant Teen? Teen Depression? Problem Teen? Difficult Teen? Teen Rage? Teen Anger? Teen Drug Use? Teen Gangs? Teen Runaways? Bipolar? ADD/ADHD? Disrespectful Teen? Out of Control Teen? Peer Pressure?

Find about more about Boarding Schools, Military Schools, Christian Boarding Schools, Residential Treatment Centers, and Therapeutic Boarding Schools.

Sue Scheff is the first parent to DEFEAT WWASPS in a Jury Trial and Supreme Court of Apeeals

Here we are - years after my victories (both a jury trial I won and I won again in the Supreme Court of Appeals when WWASPS appealed the verdict) yet WWASPS (World Wide Association of Specialty Programs and Schools) still continues to tell some people I lost?

Are you a parent that is at your wit's end - desperate and fall into the trap of urgency to place your child? Think twice - read "A Parent's True Story" - then visit my website at www.helpyourteens.com.

My book - Wit's End! will be released in July 2008 - you will get to hear my daugthers voice and her upclose and personal experiences of Carolina Springs Academy.